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someweirdchick16
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Name: Joanna
Birthday: 5/21/1930
Gender: Female
Interests: Whatever my God would have me do
Expertise: Music, writing, reading, thinking, dreaming...
Occupation: Servant of my redeemer, Christ
Industry: Life, living, defending life a
Message: message me
AIM:  someweirdgirl16
Member Since:
3/10/2005
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| My husband is an incredibly intelligent man. He is loving, compassionate, kind, and cares about my thoughts and feelings. He is respectful to people, he is respectful to me. He is a good man, a responsible man, his everyday actions prove it. I know that even if I did not return any of this goodness to him, he would still love me deeply, and he would still treat me lovingly. I cherish him and respect him because of this, he is a precious treasure to me and the only thing above him is God. I am incredibly lucky because my husband understands God's word, and keeps it in his heart. He does not twist scriptures in order to exert meaningless power over me. Some male creatures, the lowest of their kind, take God's word and make it mean whatever they want it to mean in order to justify their low self-esteem and desperate need for power. They do not understand the true power of God's word, and can only use it as an excuse for their crappy beliefs. One such person, who is not worth mentioning by name, actually thinks that it is proper and Biblically sound for husbands to physically punish their wives, like children. He says "God is over man, and man is over woman". It is hard to say how this person extracted this idea from the Bible, since it is supported nowhere in God's word. One can only assume that they are exceedingly stupid, narcissistic, but first and foremost a tyrant. This is proven in their everyday actions towards family and even friends. I avoid people like this out of extreme dislike, and to guard my own emotional and physical safety. I also hold the strong belief that God does not wish us to spend time around those who would lead us astray, or abuse us spiritually. This person is an abuser, and is never sorry even when he says he is. He does not understand respect, or responsibility, yet acts as though he does. It is disgusting, and I cannot allow for it in my life. I can only hope to be of help to those people whose lives he is tyrannizing. If he is not in my life, he cannot exert force or power over me. I fight by not fighting, which is the only battle move he does not know how to deal with. Therefore I have the ability, ultimately given by the grace of God, to remain uncontrolled by the bully or the nuisance of dealing with it. All of this makes me see my husband in a special light. I see all the more clearly who he truly is on the inside. I knew from the start how lucky I was and am to know him, the one who cares for me. He is the one I trust more than anything in this world. Although he will let me down, I know that he will never stop loving me, even though he may want to. In the times ahead I can only remember that if things change, what stays the same is God's love for us. This is our comfort because our hearts are His. Neither of us is perfect, but God is. God is the head of our togetherness, the reason behind it, and the goal of it. We mutually respect each other, voluntarily and unconditionally, because God does so for us. With this holy bind, nothing can separate us as long as we turn to God always. | | |
| Well, my camera broke. That stinks especially because it was a wedding gift from my very first friend. I think what happened was the batteries I put in it leaked and killed it. Musta hurt, I feel bad. Now I need to find myself a truly awesomely useful good quality camera with video-recording abilities and be sure not put bad batteries in it ever. Pooh...
On a different note- I think I might want to write a poem. That sounded ambiguous. I do wish to write a poem, I just need to figure out how to start it.
Gravity pulls a mellow mind
Through time
Light lilting notes toward the echo
Autumnal splendour toward the earth
A wandering man, or animal
Toward a resting place
Eventually leaving not a trace
Of where they were at all
Each day, with time, dies
Time dies
Soft strokes over a small soft head
Mourn one mild mannered
As moments pull
A tiny mind through time
To its resting place
Holding no resistance in life
Leaving what it does not know
Letting go.
That was more prosy... not that I know the difference between prose and randomly saying words. Here is my attempt at rhyming:
It either is or isn't
Its either good or bad
Its either past or present
Sameness of neither can be had
Its either yes or no
Its either can't or can
If one tried to show
The "sameness" of both
Then there was no fall of man!
You know, it irritates me when people think something is wrong with you for "not believing in humanity". I was once gossiped about behind my back for telling someone I had no faith in humanity. People were actually worried about my mental state for not believing humanity had any worth!! So here is where I am confuzzled...Why would you believe in a pile of refuse, let alone human nature? Is it not apparent to you that humanity fails every time? Since when is it silly or depressing for a person to "give up on humanity"? Go ahead and live your life depending on human nature to answer all your questions, look up to it in all its glory, and fall along with it. I'd rather believe in something greater then my own nastiness and ignorant nature, I like to know theres hope instead of grasping for the only thing I can see with my eyes. Nothing could be more depressing then counting on yourself, or other people all the time. Failure, despair, loss, sorrow, confusion... thats all you're counting on when you count on "people". Do you see inside others- you know their traits and all their secrets? No! So why would you "count on humanity" rather then a higher being? Of course I'm not saying "stop socializing and run from people, they all suck!" ... I'm saying this: recognize human nature for what it is, hopeless and unworthy. No human being, or organization of human beings, or government run by human beings is worth worshiping or following. Never in the history of our world has there been a human thing worth worshiping. Here is where all atheists chime in and chant "but God is a human thing- whaddayasaytathat *pant*!!" Incorrect. God was not "invented by humans". He created us, not the other way around. Otherwise the idea of a Heavenly Father, God, would be imperfect and unprovable, which it isn't. If one were truly searching for the truth (and I believe all humans are) then one would realize that their heart is lead to light and always in pursuit of love and real happiness. God is the love humanity searches for. Have faith in God, not human nature, and you will know true peace and love. Therefore my saying "I have no faith in humanity" is not a cry for help, it is a shout of triumph. | | |
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I like my new home, but the walls are still rather bare. My dining room is turning into a green house.
I have a 100 year old industrial strength sewing machine in my living room now that looks like this:
It works, and I am planning on using it as part of my plan to become a seamstress and make costumes. I'll always be helping Matti in one way or another, and I believe this is good use of my time and energy. I haven't really made anything yet though, except for a hat. It is a nice hat, I put a violin on it.
I've been sick for a little over a week, which is an irritation because I rarely get sick- not even colds can bring me down. A fever brought me down though. The next day I went white water rafting, so I feel victorious. Still can't seem to shake the sniffles just yet. I've been sleeping too much, and apparently not crying enough- for being female at least.
There are a few new videos up on Youtube which I had in my heart to randomly create, but as I have been sick they lack the quality I would have normally imparted. If only I knew how to improve. I wish I could sing and play violin at the same time. I've never known anyone to do that before. Think of the unique harmonic ability.
It is cold in my apartment, but not freezing yet, so I can still type. My husband is terribly busy and stressed out this week, which makes me feel lazy and useless because I cannot directly help him as I'm used to being able to do. My mood has been sinking, and I'm starting to think more and more about HD like I do every time I'm depressed. I don't want to look at myself in the mirror because I'm afraid I'll see a change in my eyes. It's the eyes that change after a while, as with anything that comes slowly with time and great sadness. It is not so much worrying about my present situation and potential future as it is a sinking, slow, sadness that eats up part of my brain, much like the disease itself. I suppose not knowing is part of it, but I have convinced myself that it would make no difference whether I knew for certain or not. I feel as though I have reached old age at a very young age, and I don't know where to go from here. If I got pregnant maybe that would change. But it hasn't happened yet, and as I am not in any control of it I have forced myself not to think about the "why not"s or the "when will"s.
So there we have it. I have written something, and it has made me feel.... slightly alright.
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| Soon, I will, or at least I ought to, write the way I used to write.
I'm listening to Christopher Lee read "The Children of Huren" by J.R.R. Tolkien. Filling my head with Christopher Lee's rich voice and Tolkien's grand storytelling, I expect should help me be more enticed to write. I wouldn't mind writing just anything really, because I used to write about nothing at all and make it worth reading. I lack creative outlets anymore, or maybe I forgot how to be creative, or I haven't the time. Whichever.
We went white water rafting, my family and I, last week. It was not as intense as I thought it would be, but it was tremendous fun. Perhaps next time the water will be higher and more rapid. Being hit with the cramps as the trip started made it slightly harder for me, though. I was not expecting to have to concentrate on paddling over waterfalls whilst feeling shakey and weak from pain, but I still managed to have a good time. I believe these sorts of circumstances prepare me for when I must give birth.
It has been a little while since I last recorded my music playing, but I hope to do so again soon. I feel like improvements are occurring, and it is entertaining to me, at least, if no one else. I have become hopelessly addicted to those wonderful Fleet Foxes, and am close to having memorized most of their songs. This sort of obsession in a certain kind of music or musicians happens often for me. I collect musicians and artists and go through memorizing all of their music simply by compulsively listening to it over and over again. I have a hankering for the Fleet Foxes yet again, must listen to them whilst I clean, and end up knowing all the words. I wonder what sort of music is next. I do have to get back into Beirut more often, they are so much fun to dance to.
Excuse me, my nose needs to be cleared. I will be back some other time, maybe.
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| Feel weird. Should be angry. Can't be angry though, don't have any right to be. Just.... bad? Close enough. Dunno... gonna need some fresh air soon, though...... Eeew..................................... ???????????????????? I have a question. Why ever bother caring? I say. If I werent Christian, my toughness would be full fledged NASTINESS right now. x_x | | |
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